I racked my brain with idea's for New Year's resolutions, and then thought - why wait to get my lazy ass to the gym, or to vacuum the floor! The New Year is just days away, so why not start now... With that enthusiasm in mind, I decided to start at least one task, the one that would require the least physical effort - not that I am apposed to working out as I am 'A Civilised Queen' after all, but a task that I could do at any time of the day, and not need the motivation of a work out partner or the encouragement of a latte to do so.
So the birth of my first blog has finally arrived. I hereby christen this day, the official birth date of 'A Civilised Queen' (civilised written with an S and not a Z, as although I live in fabulous Hollywood I am actually from a land far, far away).
So let's begin dullings (spelt dullings - as that's how I like to pronounce it).
Let's start nice and easy as to not bore or confuse anyone!
With the New Year fast approaching and the excitement of the possibility of being invited to a fabulous Hollywood Hills gala New Years Eve party, myself and my gala friend (let's call him - "Jack") decided to get out and about amongst it! Amongst the beautiful queens of West Hollywood in an attempt to create a little buzz about our willingness to be invited to such a Hollywood Hills gala New Years Eve PARTY!
On Christmas eve, Jack and I spontaneously decided to make our buzz creating debut! Fortunately Jack and I are neighbours, so responding to such acts of spontaneity are not difficult. I was at Jacks, when he decided we go out for a stunning dinner somewhere fabulous. So whipped into a gay frenzy I raced back to my apartment and plucked, pruned, and eventually dressed myself into a stunning ensemble of clothing! About 45 minutes later Jack arrived to my place looking far less sophisticated than I had imagined he should and demanded he return to his apartment and re think his ensemble. As a true Queen should do, Jack returned to his apartment and re grouped, then re dressed!
Sixty minutes after Jack left my apartment, he was finally ready and can I just say we looked incredible. If there is one thing Jack can do, it's create a flawless ensemble. His ability to do so in a timely manner needs vast improvement, though his willingness to improve on this is encouraging.
We both wore stunning outfits and were dressed way to formally for any West Hollywood establishment. With this in mind Jack suggested we go to Cecconi's, I thought this was a fabulous idea. Though, when we got in the car and fully understood the extent of our glamorous looks, we decided to make an assault on Mickey's instead. I mean, why waste a fabulous out fit in a straight restaurant right? I mean, the whole idea for getting out and about it, was to get an invite from some Hollywood Hills Billionaire to his Hollywood Hills gala home on New Years eve!
We both strutted into Mickey's, looking to die for! and every head in the bar turned in awe! Well, approximately three guys looked at us. But that was a very good response as there were only about six guys in the bar. We sat down at a table and ordered Dirty Martini's. This was to be our last drink for the year as Jack and I agreed to stop drinking for four months! I don't know why the length of four months was decided upon, but that was the alleged agreement!
We then ordered a few civilised dishes and sat and enjoyed our cocktales whilst waiting for the food to arrive!
Cocktale or Cocktales - deliberately spelt like this as it describes the act of drinking alcohol whilst discussing cocks and or men!
Moments later, the waiter returned and informed us that another patron of the bar wanted to buy us our second round of drinks. Such a civilised gesture, and normally it would have been most appreciated, but due to our new non drinking policy the offer was declined. Whilst waiting for the food to arrive, we did manage to tip a very well built dancer! This gave us the opportunity to walk around the bar with a purpose, and not look like we were trying to get attention - which we clearly were!
Cocktale or Cocktales - deliberately spelt like this as it describes the act of drinking alcohol whilst discussing cocks and or men!
Moments later, the waiter returned and informed us that another patron of the bar wanted to buy us our second round of drinks. Such a civilised gesture, and normally it would have been most appreciated, but due to our new non drinking policy the offer was declined. Whilst waiting for the food to arrive, we did manage to tip a very well built dancer! This gave us the opportunity to walk around the bar with a purpose, and not look like we were trying to get attention - which we clearly were!
The food eventually arrived, and by this time the bar had become a little busier and the talent had become a little more interesting. To our surprise, the waiter came to our table with two new cocktales. We were not happy, as we were starting our not drinking policy! But, what's a Civilised Queen to do in this situation? We had no choice but to graciously accept. Martini number two was being enjoyed, and time started to disappear along with the sense of responsibility!
Half way through Martini number two, my phone rang and it was our other friend "Jerry". He was calling to remind us we were expected at Church in a few hours for the Christmas Eve Service!
Church - something done once a year!
I realised at that point Martini number two was not the best idea, but reasoned with myself that it was going to be OK as Church was about two hours away, and we had plenty of time to sober up! I asked the waiter for the check, so we could get out of there asap. Whilst waiting for the check Jack, had started talking to a very cute group of guys. Apparently they were all going back to their friends Hollywood Hills home for a small party and invited Jack and I to follow. The thing with Jack, is that after a drink he tends to lose all sense of responsibility and self control, and being a true friend I tend do what ever he tells me. Not the best combination!
So, we agreed to follow the guys to their alleged friends Hollywood Hills home. This was acceptable behaviour as we were attempting to get a New Years Eve invite, and this could have been the ticket! Right? Whilst driving to the house, Jack and I agreed to only one drink and to staying for only one hour. We needed to be respectable at church!
The house was stunning, and the guys were all very interesting and civilised. This led me to believe there is an entire vortex of gala queens out there just waiting to be discovered - therefore restoring my faith in the fact that I will one day marry the man of my dreams, and not end up one of those wretched, lecherous old men! (No Offense guys).
I was thoroughly enjoying myself, and Jack was certainly enjoying himself too. About an hour had past and it was time to get to church! I must admit, I did accidentally have more than the one cocktale, but this was not my fault. The host insisted - and what is a Civilised Queen to do? Apparently, these guys were all going out of town for NYE so we didn't manage to get an invite from them. All was not lost, we still had a few nights to get an invite!
This in mind, we headed to church. We have a tradition of going to the fabulous church on Franklin and Highland! It's a great service, with Thai Dancer's, three wise men and a wonderful array of possible suitors!
Note - do not go if stoned! the Three wise men are really scary after a brownie!
We met Jerry, and the three of us strutted down the aisle, and took prominent positioning in the second row to the left! Jerry could tell immediately that we may have been a little buzzed! Jerry was not impressed, as he takes church very seriously! The service started with the Thai dancers, and that was IT! Jack and I turned into a giggling mess. Jerry, was far from impressed and scolded us like school children. At one point I was looking at the choir who started to morph into the cast of Fraggle Rock, and my eyes started to get really fuzzy and I thought 'Shit honey, I'm gonna throw up'! So I gave myself a very stern talking to and composed myself! Can you imagine vomiting in church? How truly uncivilised!
We managed to compose ourselves, until silent night started! Then we lost it again.... I know for a fact the laughter was from joy, and not from the fact that almost everyone in the church started the first verse of each song with such gusto, only to lose their confidence on the second verse as they all realise they only know the words to the first verse! What a scream! We carefully lit our candles and slowly sauntered up the aisle! when we got outside, Jerry insisted on driving us home.
We got into his car and he drove us home. We both went down to Jack's apartment and like a pair of Civilised Queens, we slumped onto his gala sectional sofa and watched Rosalind Russell perform her guts out in Auntie Mame!
Ok, Ok, we only saw the first three minutes of the movie as we both passed out! But the night wasn't a complete loss! Or was it?
After waking up around 4am, I went back to own apartment and climbed into bed - alone, yet again! What had happened to our plan to look glamorous and get and invitation to a gala NYE party? Where did we go wrong? Did we go wrong? Too many questions, and not enough brain power to answer them....
Best to just sleep on it, after all, tomorrow is another day filled with endless possibilities!
